Jabba The Hut made me lose my marbles

Ever been in a hurry and stopped in your tracks by roadworks...?

Then this is right up your alley....

I was motoring along at an agreeable cruzing speed when the first sign, litteraly, appeared that I might sit longer in the car then I really would want. A sign we all know, a little black guy, I am not being racist here, he was painted in black... with a shovel and next to him a pile of some more black paint.... But that was not what caught my eye...it was a large dod and a humming sound about 40m in front of me, kind of dumbo meets a bumble bee.... I was closing in rapidly and my fears became true. Not only had I stumbled on roadworks with only 1 narrow lane available, I was now also stuck behind Jabba The Hut on a mopet...not muppet...mopet (small motorbike...) Jabba The Hut on a muppet is the "after dark" version of this blog...

Really...this guy was so fat that I thought: "dude, you better not move around a lot because 5 million people in China will have move just to keep this rock we are flying on in balance, otherwise we will be all flung into the sun...."

That humming noise came unmistakenly from the little engine that couldn't....smoking, wobbling, coughing...just my aunty at Christmas...and on top of it...Jabba The Hut....To be clear..Jabba The Hutt does not do the horizontal monkey with my aunt at Christmas, she is just wobbly etc....

I started to zig-zag a bit to see if I could see the end of the misery...but apparently the car behind me thought I was swerving to avoid potholes or something and he joined in.....funny...where it not that due to Jabba's fat ass I could not see a thing....

Talking about fat ass....One thing I could see was Jabba's buttcrack...looking at me as it was trying to say "hello... I am a buttcrack"....well....what else would a buttcrack say...? It was a long time ago I last saw a crack like that..I think it was on Discovery Chanel.....The Grand Canyon Special....I wanted to throw up so bad from looking into that guy's rear-end....I could see what he had for breakfast.. and I really throw up violently from buttermilk pancakes...which I could clearly see he had....

Then it happened, a bridge ...now I have to say we were doing 40Km/h and looking at that mopet it could not handle much more going up that bridge...and I was right...my speedometer counted...40..39... etc all the way to F#ing 30.... my jaw dropped in disbelieve..I could accelerate with my shin....

All of a sudden his head dropped a bit and his back arched...I thought the guy got a heart-attack but nooooo...he was trying to be "aerodynamic"....ever seen a hippo crouch when trying to run...No? well...this did not help the guy either....still 30.....And with all that back-arching going on his buttcrack became even larger..I had to clench my jaws not to throw up all over the dash...The guy's ass looked like the Eurotunnel...complete with departing train...If you know what I mean......

Anyway..I could see we were over the worst part as my speedo went back to a I-will-not-shoot-myself-through-the-head 37 km/h. Unfortunately his mopet only barely survived the trip uphill..only 2 wheels and a tail light were showing...the rest moved so far up his sweaty ass I could not see it anymore...

Finally, after I had seriously thought about crashing my car into a brick wall, he went to 1 side of the lane...was it indeed a heart-attack, did his mopet die? I could not care less....the road was mine..ALL MINE I TELL YOU...hahahahha...

and that ladies and gentlemen is how Jabba The Hut made me lose my marbles....