How IT made me lose my marbles

Now, for the people who do not know me, I am a dinosaur. Well not really, typing would be a bit difficult and then I am not even talking about the vast amounts of Special K cereal I would need in the morning to keep myself "regular"....

What I am saying is, I am an IT dinosaur. I have no Nano-byte-terra phone nor do I have the latest flatboard or keyless-screen or whatever IBM is calling it these days..I believe it's an I-Orange or something...

I do have 1 old playstation which my brother donated to charity....or me....to try and lure me into the Age of Technology.

Well...what is that? "The Age of Technology"...Cavemen also thought they lived in the Age of Technology when they invented the wheel...hell we still use it today....do you still use your first Mac or Intosch...?

I have a car that is 33 years old...same as me...it's old, farts, has some unexplainable spots and smells...same as me....But what I want to say before alienating all of you...is that when it breaks down, I do not have to go to a garage and pay a trillion Euro just for a guy in a suit sticking his laptop into my cigaret holder and telling me my washer fluid needs a top-up....No, I just go to Bob around the corner and he hammers some new greasy part in place and after spending 5 Euro I am back motoring along with a smile on my face and a bank account that does not look like Imelda Marcos went shoe-shopping with it...

Same with a pc or laptop, I had a pc when I was at school because it was "the Age of Technology" and all those teachers broke their fingers on typewriters...after that I never owned one in my life. My mother donated a laptop to charity once...I still have it...

And the reason why I am a dinosaur is that I do not speak Klingon. When that little message pops up with a small red circle and a cross in it and starts explaining me in, what I can only guess is fluent Klingon, that my Z-Bat drive is in error for my Log Script Unit I have a tendency to be a little violent and use that fork not for what it was designed for. It's hard to explain at the PC shop that that fork got accidentally stuck between the T- and the F key and that it has nothing to do with the Klingon on the screen...

What I also do not get are domotics systems. You drive home and before you are even in the same zip code as your house it is already making coffee, tuning the radio to your favorite tune and walking around in your slippers to get them "comfy-warm"....Same thing in the morning. Before you realise you need to wake up, breakfast is made and poured into you, your slippers are "comfy-warm" and your teeth are brushed. No wonder people fall asleep at the wheel...they never woke up in the first place, their house just puts them in the car and of they go...

And another thing... all those cards you get these days with chips in it to keep track on how many points you get when buying 5 loo rolls and a leek or when filling up with gas at the gas station, what is that all about? I asked one day and the answer apparently is: "Well sir, if you buy 500 leeks you get a free carrot" why do I even ask.... These days even pharmacists have member cards... How often do they expect me to get sick?...Do they know something that I don't know yet? "Oh, he is turning yellow, quick get him a member card..." Only the other day I tried to get gas with my loo roll card and was trying to explain a guy at the bank that I did not put my grocery discount card into his cash point machine deliberately...

And that ladies and gentlemen is how IT made me lose my marbles