How love almost made me keep my marbles

Ever loved someone so hard it actually did hurt, and not in a spiritual way, no, actual real I-just-got-hit-in-the-face-by-a-fully-loaded-freight-train pain...

It happened to me, yes I know, underneath this sarcastic shell there lives a little shy young man who has true feelings. Now that I am all mellow and in touch with my feminine side I feel like making another confession.... I like French fries with ketchup and raw onion sprinkled on top...I hear you think... And yes, it does make me fart louder then a foghorn during a how-loud-can-you-go foghorn contest....

But love, the Bloodhound Gang phrased it nicely, "not the one you clean up with a mop and bucket", the real deal...between a man and a woman, man and man, woman woman, man African lion...you know what I mean....fill in your preference yourself... It happened to me a few years ago and at first you do not know it's even happening. You start seeing or hearing this person on a daily basis and you think, "come on what's this?" But before long you are waiting by the phone like a doggy that needs an urgent tinkle and his owner is standing there with the leash. No, I do not like bondage, it's just a figure of speech, not another confession...And when that phone then rings.... It's not making a ringing sound..Noooo it's a symphony of cherubs playing the waltz of love...

You want to talk to this person so desperately that you run to the phone without even knowing your foot made a 180 degree twist around it's base because you hit the staircase and afterwards you hit the glass coffee table resulting in a face that looks like a cross between Leatherface and a run over squirrel. You are just focused and your hormones produce so many chemicals that you would not even feel pain if Mrs Fat Globe would step on your little toe wearing the pointiest stiletto heels in the world...

You talk and talk and talk about the most silly things, "oh I saw a duck in the pond and it was sooooo lovely"...Normally I wouldn't even look at a pond unless it was playing host to the world championship monster trucking...but now "ohhhhh, I saw it too, Soooo lovely"...what happened to me...Love, making you see interesting things without being drunk....

However the worst part is when it's a love you can not share. Can be for a million reasons....she's Amish, he is a Golden Retriever....or just plain simple..you are scared for saying the words "I love you" or scared for rejection "No thanks, I'm Amish". So you keep your feelings to yourself. "Why would she be interested in me?" is often heard....We've all been there, apart from George Clooney... So you watch and admire from a distance...not in a tree, you do not want that restraining order... but metaphorically speaking...

You try and make sure they like you and for that you become Superman.You rush from 1 part of the city to the other in less time then it would take that world record guy to sprint the 100m. On your way, picking up whatever she would like at whatever cost to you, knife fight over the last chocolate bar "ok, bring it on". Monkey wrestling for the last can of coke, "Sure, bring on the baboon..." And when you are standing in front of her, wiping away your blood and sweat, all she has to say is"thank you" and all your pain is gone...

But...and this is the dark magic of love.. It only works for as long as they are near you.... The moment you are alone and your Golden Retriever or Amish girl left you for a Buddhist Poodle.... Pain, hell and agony...just like you twisted your ankle in a 180 degree angle, hit a glass coffee table with your face, had your toe crushed by a fat lady and wrestled a wild baboon...

And that ladies and gentlemen is how love almost made me keep my marbles...almost...